Donuts with Dad: 3yo Slugger Edition
Aaron Sharp | January 29, 2021
This week I got to participate in our preschool’s Donuts with Dad breakfast with the three-year-old Slugger. I’ve been going to these things for a few years now, and they are always a lot of fun. The Slugger was excited, I was excited, and there were donuts. Really, what wasn’t to like.
Several times that I have been to one of these events you find out that your kid’s preschool teacher has asked them questions about you, and made you a little sheet to keep showing their answers. This is fun, and a little nervewracking too. I had a heads up that they were doing that this year when the Slugger told me one day, “I told Miss Callie your job was doing dishes.” It took a few minutes for me to figure out what was the probably context of that statment, but once I did I expected that answer.
Here are his answers with a little bit of commentary from me along the way.
Slugger: My Dad is 30 years old.
Me: Bless you son. It’s been a while since I was 30, but I guess my boyish good looks are still there. I’ll slip you an extra dessert tonight.
Slugger: He has brown eyes and brown hair.
Me: Looks like we’ve got another kid getting glasses. I could understand if he didn’t now blonde so he went with brown on the hair, but the ENTIRE family has blue eyes. After going to these for a while I can say that if you are going to commit a major crime having my kids as witnesses is a good deal for you. By the time they were through describing you there is simply no way law enforcement would have any idea what you looked like.
Slugger: His job is washing dishes.
Me: Yes, I do most of the dishes at our house, but I’ve been in IT for his entire life, the last ten months of which has been working from home. Five days a week I’ve sat at the dining room table working in front of a computer. He knows this. He loves to interrupt Teams calls with my boss, and is constantly told that I’ll do something after I get through working. I don’t know how he decided that my job was to do dishes. Unless he’s noticed that I haven’t been doing so good and keeping them done and this is some sort of signal to me that he knows Mom is frustrated. Now I’m worried that he is infinitely smarter than me and this is all some sort of advanced game theory. Actually, nevermind, I just remembered his teacher had to tell him to stop talking about poop this week. I think the odds of us raising an evil genius are slim.
Slugger: He loves to eat eggs.
Me: True story.
Slugger: HIs favorite drink is apple juice.
Me: This might be the Slugger’s favorite drink, but I can’t remember the last time I drank apple juice. I don’t like it one bit. If he’s gaming me with these answers he just lost me.
Slugger: He is really good at reading stories.
Me: This makes my author/reader self feel good. I absolutely am proud to wear this as a badge of honor. If they put this on my gravestone it would be okay with me.
Slugger: He always says “Time for bed.”
Me: A totally accurate statement, and he isn’t the first Sharpnado to make this comment about me at Donuts with Dad. If he would actually, you know, stay in bed I wouldn’t say this all the time.
Slugger: He is happy when “he makes silly faces.”
Me: This isn’t what I’d expect, but after the dishes and apple juice I’ll allow it. Now i’m wondering when he thinks I’m making silly faces. Am I doing something I don’t realize.
Slugger: He is SUPER because he’s my dad.
Me: I’m not crying, you’re crying.