Thoughts on Chopping Lettuce and Getting My First Stitches

Aaron Sharp | March 24, 2021

A couple of weeks ago, on a normal (read: chaotic, with two adults counting down the minutes to bedtime for the children) evening at the Sharp house, I was chopping lettuce. In and of itself this is not an unusual event, and it was nearing bedtime for the four Sharpnadoes, so things were looking up for the adults of the house.

It had been a normal work from home day with craziness galore, and I was starting on supper for the Wonder Woman when the kids finally, mercifully went to bed. Then, for the briefest of moments I got distracted. This distraction was followed by the knife and my thumb attempting to occupy the same space on the cutting board, a yelp from me, and a short time later a trip to a local urgent care where I would receive my first stitches - six to be exact.

Throughout the experience I didn’t let the pain or even the reasonably uncomfortable numbing shot dull my sense of dad humor. When the nurse said, “You’re gonna need stitches,” I responded with, “Does this make me a snitch?”

After a good bit of time to reflect on this incident I have composed a little something as a way of passing on the lessons I learned from that one fateful night of cutting lettuce. Hopefully my stitches can serve as example to us all.

Now that my clumsiness has come to a head,

I promise my humor will romaine.

My wife had plans for a supper of Arugula,

Butter husband had an accident with the knife.

I will avoid this iceberg from now on,

You will frisee.

The future will kale in comparison,

To this little gem of a statement,

This experience has me feeling like Popeye without spinach.

Alas, I’m not a Cabbage Patch Kid,

Lettuce all resolve to do better in the future.